How easy it is to learn to understand people

How easy it is to learn to understand people

Sometimes we hear in his address: "I'll have you know!". — "How so? — We wonder. Is someone assures that sees me through, and I really don't know themselves. Thought I was bold, and yesterday chickened out. Thought that calm, and today "tantrum.

How to understand and in themselves, and in humans

Variant of radical

Vladimir Vysotsky in "Song of a friend" advised to do so:

"Esli drug okazalsya vdrug

And no friend and no enemy, and so

If you are not sure

Bad or good, it

Guy Tang mountains, take your best shot,

Do not leave it,

Let it bundle one with you,

There you'll understand who this ".

And if he "immediately raskis and down step stepped onto the glacier and CEMI, stumbled — and cry … you don't battle-Goni. "And when you have fallen from the cliffs, he groaned, but kept, … means how to rely on himself.

A good way to get to know friends, but a bit too extreme. The same as "go together in Scouting".

Option requires time, but does not guarantee the result

According to adage to good to know a person, you need to "eat with him together pood of salt, that is not less than 16 kilograms. On calculation of physiologists, on average, each person eats per year 5 kg of salt. Means to know each other better, they need almost 2 years.

Option three: rely on first impressions

People say: "first impression is the right", "first thought of God, and the second is from the devil." "Iron Lady" Margaret Thatcher said: am I missing 10 seconds to make your impression about the person, and it very rarely changes.

However, not all people think, as Thatcher, and the equally observant as she did. Therefore, on a par with the assertion that the first impression is correct, there is another: "first impression is deceptive.

Option four: folk wisdom

Somehow the young man asked the wise old man: "how to learn to understand people whom to trust and whom to fear?". — First will answer you whom to fear, "said the old man. -Most of all beware of the meek, pious and humble, who flatters you, embraces you and swears allegiance. He was the first to betray you. — Who then trust? "asked the young man in surprise. "Trust the one who tells the truth, whatever it was. He was the first to come to you for help, "replied the old man.

Option five: learning from the classics

German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard classification developed characters, which he described in the first part of the monograph "Accented personality". Here and demonstrative personality, and excitable, and disturbing, pedanticheskie, and many others. The most correct conclusions about the type of person, wrote Karl Leonhard, are based on observations and interviews.

The second part of the monograph, which is called "personality in fiction, it parses the characters of works of classics of world literature: Dostoevsky, Honor? de Balzac, Leo Tolstoy, and others.

Their tips on how to understand people and gives the doctor of psychological Sciences, Arkady Egides in the book "how to understand people, or the psychological figure of the personality".

"Why do we need it?" he asks. And the sheer replies: "to know what to wait in order to properly interact with them, as well as influence on them. Describing in detail the different psychological types, the author gives us the opportunity to understand them, so we can see the positive in people, protect yourself from negativity and manage the situation.

One example: If a person isteroidnogo type shouts as he hates you, and goes "forever" — you know, he will come back as soon as you get to it. If silently collects her things and leaves jepileptoid — it really could be forever.

Advice of psychologists

"How to understand people?" this question usually starts to excite us only after we make a mistake in someone. We thought that there is a man strong and he is in a difficult moment disappeared. And vice versa — the one on whom we had hoped, offered his help. "Surely there are some signals and signs by which you can identify that person in front of us," we think we are. Yes, they are, but we do not notice them and continue to step on the same rake.

1. Body language and facial expressions

First of all pay attention to body language, gestures and mimicry of our interlocutor. Details on how to read the thoughts of their gestures, says Australian writer Alan Pease, known as "Mister body language, in his book" body language ". You can find out what is the meaning of concatenated fingers, crossed hands on the chest, Chin stroking, rubbing a century and more. And if we are careful reader, a good student and observant person, it's easy to be able to guess the true intentions of his interlocutor.

2. Next is determine temperament

Who before us? Sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic? (Of course, people with a temperament in pure form are very rare, usually mixed types with a predominance of one.)

Our friend is sanguine? He's disorganized, but active and zhizneljubiv. Melancholic? Let's not accuse him for pessimism and pull in a noisy company. Phlegmatic? Ask him to help resolve a conflict situation, after all, phlegmatic — the peacekeepers. Choleric? Not surprisingly, given that he likes.

Emotionally stable sanguine nice coexist with emotionally erratic melancholic, and emotionally stable phlegmatic complement unsustainable choleric.

Learn more about the types of temperament can be read in the book of Svetlana Nebykovoj "temperament Types. Relationship. Mystery of twins ".

3. Rely on intuition

It is called chujkoj, a sixth sense, an inner voice, a misgiving. We say that the heart of Chui danger skin feel nasty. Sometimes we from this chujki otmahivaemsja, but then most often regret about it.

People fascinated us, and we do not want to notice signals intuition. It could be anxiety, anxiety, feeling of running back formication, discomfort. That worries us, but we ignore the inner voice. But in vain, because he rarely makes a mistake.

True, not all have developed intuition. But this is easily remedied by reading "the development of intuition. How to make the right decisions without hesitation and stress "English psychologist Guy Klakstona.

4. Cast off the masks

"We're so good friends, were not spill water, but then went along the sea and it turned out that her nasty nature. It's petty, quarrelsome, perpetually all unhappy, "complains one friend to another. — I barely survived and no longer want to see! " "It is simply not possible!" — offended the second.

What happened? The girls came out of the comfort zone, were in non-standard situations, and they had to retreat from the usual behavioral patterns. In fact, they dropped their masks and have proved to be real, namely: selfish, intolerable, don't know how to build relationships in and out of conflict situations without a sense of loss.

Another example. In a small collective of collaborators was gone brand new smartphone. She claimed that in the morning he was in it, it means that someone stole it from colleagues. Cute friendly girl eyes turned into a razjarennuju fury, which were to each claim. The other day she apologized, because smartphone ill-fated found at home, she simply forgot. But, as they say in joke, "spoons found and everything stayed.

If we want to get to know the person, then the neordinarnee would be a situation in which we find ourselves, the less he will be prepared to it, the more likely it will open, show your inner self.